What was I thinking???

Hmmm, I don't know about this.  So far things are going great up here, other than the really slow U Scans (oxymoron I know).  I still cry about everything that has happened.  Still catch myself rehashing every hurt that ever happened to me.  But for the most part it's getting better. The one thing I have a problem with is that I never see Turkey Butt.  He's always upstairs playing with the boys.  I miss him.  Especially right now, being on break from school and work.  Normally we would be playing cards, watching movies, playing Star Wars Legos, something,  But now he's up there and I am down here taking care of the baby.  Is this normal???  Is this what normally happens in "families"?  As the kids grow (yeah they are 5, 6, 7) do you just never see them?  I want more time with TB.  I want him to say, mom will you play old maid with me. I don't know, maybe it's just the single mom spending 5 years just me and him but this is just weird.  Maybe it's just the novelty of having the other two around all the time.  They haven't had any fights yet so maybe then it will happen.  I don't know.  When I mentioned it to my friends she said, well you need a break.  A few weeks ago someone else told me the same sort of thing, mom's need to take care of themselves sometimes too and do things for themselves.  I don't know, it all seems so unnatural to me.  I don't want our relationship to get ruined.  I hardly think it could, but I don't know, once I start working and going to classes again will I ever see him???  Yesterday when I went to the store without him, he was fine didn't care at all.  Which is totally not normal by the way.  He didn't even know when I got home, he came down an hour later and said oh that was a long trip, not knowing that I just got there.   Weird and to think last year I was complaining that he would not go play with the others up north.   Everything will be fine, I am sure.